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大庄家娱乐城祝教师节快乐——教师节段子
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带起节奏,送来欢乐, n! v, g3 k: Z1 _
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/ {* e n" s. j" |: D" }+ o今天是教师节,大家一起来发段子吧!* ?- q* c4 q `7 l( N; m/ }
我先来! b) ~8 {! h/ X1 ^/ x
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A说:“今天考试我交了白卷。”B说:“哎,我也交了白卷。”- S2 a! {+ U. p1 b3 e
同学A生气的说:“你怎么能交白卷呢,老师会以为我们抄袭的!”
5 V" J2 V( X4 @$ m7 L2 |* {
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深夜,王老师批改完最后一份试卷,疲惫地拧开了收音机,想听音乐放松一下。收音机里传来了dj的声音:"xx中学高三级x班全班同学一同把这首歌奉献给他们敬爱的王xx老师听,感谢他多年来给他们出了无数道练习题(尤其是这年),使他们得到了宝贵的练习机会……"听到这,王老师的眼睛湿润了,心力交瘁的脸上露出一安慰的笑意。dj又继续说:"……现在就让我们一起来听这首歌,李惠敏的《你不会有好结果》…"1 @% |* S: k6 A
7 J0 m) N; O; ~! h3 ]2 ^) {/ `$ P, l- c/ M& ]! L0 \7 x
一位年轻女教师初次执教小学生美术课。她在黑板上画一个苹果问学生说:“这是什么呀?”学生异口同声回答:“是屁股。”女教师哭着去找校长,校长一听大怒,跟着老师来到教室训斥学生说:“你们越来越不像话了,为什么又把老师气哭了?”回头看了一看“啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!” <span] 老师去吃自助餐] 昨天老妈教弟弟做作业,弟弟不动脑筋思考,
1 M: N( f* h( ~$ g每道题都问妈妈,妈妈怒了:“你每道题都不会,干脆我帮你做算了!”
0 c9 |7 R$ L4 `$ n+ g5 [: {0 k6 {弟弟淡淡地说:“不行!字迹不一样会被老师发现的!” <span] 考场上一女生抱怨说:“老师,天气太热了,风扇都没风!”谁料老师说:“别急,等会儿看到试卷你就心凉了。” <span] 一帅哥毕业后到一所女子学校任教,由于年轻的男老师级少,9 B. Z( |! ^0 b
所以非常受欢迎。4 `9 L/ l3 }7 [( t6 H" O# Q
第一堂课,有一位女学生忘记带课本,帅哥老师请她站起来,2 @1 E6 h% a. D. Y0 Z+ d, d
问其他同学该怎么处罚。她们很有默契的齐声说:“老师亲她一个!”; l% V* g U4 G3 E# m: f
大家等着看老师的反应。老师瞄了那位同学一眼,
: S. }, @& m( y6 J回答:“不可以处罚老师!” <span] 今天听见两个老师在讨论管理上课吃东西的事情说:4 j# }5 S& [% F; g3 r% a: M) K
有个学生老在我上课的时候偷吃瓜子,我毫不客气,见一次抓一次,一抓就是一大把!!!3 M; y; r" z3 y& {8 |0 S
不知道是不是我的错,那个上课吃东西的学生,被我抓过几次,但最近一两个月都没看过他上课吃东西了,我整个人瘦了很多。 <span] 一小学教师,最近在学车却不怎么喜欢去练车,教练问:“为什么经常没来学车?”4 W' r$ R, N( {" d6 F6 q) }4 L
她:“在学校都是我骂学生,来你这边老是被你骂,我很不爽!!!” <span] 上高中嘴馋,几个同学合计买烧烤吃,不想带回来的时候被班主任发现没收了,结果第二天班主任闹了一天的肚子。 <span] 生物老师非洲野猪
/ o: h6 R& N" B; e. W生物老师正兴致勃勃在台上描述非洲野猪的长相,偶尔眼光一扫台下,竟发现多数学生在打瞌睡。! X; M8 s1 Q, |" c, q( q6 F: h
于是大为恼火,喝道:“你们要看着我啊!不看我,你们怎么知道非洲野猪长的是什么样子?” <span] 老师:小明,你的美劳作品太好了,明天学校要派你参加全市的比赛。
# D- s2 e s. a/ g/ M7 W" H" y小明:不行
9 I( r7 r& ^+ i3 ]' z k7 C& ]老师:為什麼?
4 q- T5 E7 M( h' p小明:劳作是我爸做的,他明天要上班 <span] 妈妈:小明,你看,妹妹考100分,你才50分
( E: h4 X& n& m3 x$ h小明:我是照你的话做的
3 d7 `0 W. N8 i" K6 g" p妈妈:我说了什麼?
* v) C) D) M E' v小明:你说我只要有妹妹的一半就很好了 <span] 小外甥女刚上一年级,有次语文考试得了74分,, m( s) w8 ], n3 k; z' m' M8 k
她拿成绩单回来的时候她爸妈很生气,+ A) |2 [0 E( G7 d) e
就问你为什么只考了74] 老师:“] 老师:现在上‘急救课’“先做口对口人工呼吸”“这样重复做,会怎样?”8 j9 `$ {7 x; U
小明:有人会告你性骚扰 <span] 小明放学回到家就问:麻麻,你不说女人都喜欢被夸吗?
$ J4 N9 x0 K! K; ?8 \" ^妈妈说:是啊,为什么这么问?% O7 i) p$ k( }- H. ]+ c
小明沮丧着说:今天老师穿着超短裙来上课,我就夸老师,你的内裤好漂亮啊!
9 e5 O4 u3 O+ G, t- L; O- T然后,老师就给我撵出去了!!! K5 d, U" A- V* x# e/ ]
5 j: f4 y3 \0 }$ K ^% g3 H8 v4 `: @7 D7 \7 Q+ `' j& ~( |0 C
大家每人发一个关于教师段子在跟贴后面,一起用关于教师的笑话来庆祝伟大的教育工作者的节日。
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