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1.局花' c, J+ d+ T4 M4 G/ H6 _
局里最漂亮的MM有了男朋友，一直暗恋她的小孙看到自己的女神被别人抱在怀中，
2 C) I" _3 r7 V心里很不是滋味，一连郁闷了好几天。同事们看他脸色不对，便问他怎么回事，" C" a/ W; s0 V3 k. N8 J+ T
小孙垂头丧气地说：“唉……局花被别人抱了。6 G* |$ {; Q) J' l8 P# @1 S+ a
评论：兄弟节哀，这有凡士林你用么+ k3 O6 X* |% x* k4 J2 l m
% i8 ^( ]/ k% \4 a
2.媳妇5 o& {! e' |$ Z( v- z6 a N5 a
10岁弟弟不好好学习，还和他妈顶嘴，把他妈气坏了。: y+ G1 q, F: C' `9 M5 k
他爸帮腔说：“这是我媳妇你凭什么惹她生气，等你将来娶媳妇了，我也这么气你媳妇你乐意啊？”
# ^5 s( W. f, e+ j" J谁知弟弟上去搂她妈亲一口说：“那我敢亲你媳妇，你将来敢亲我媳妇吗？”
1 S/ U. C# M# n {7 u% v9 S评论：老爸在想，这孩子还是真孝顺+ o9 m" f4 L1 m/ z! V
+ S$ F' p( j) z4 u& s5 c" u9 o3.倒贴
) ^$ m5 F8 [9 c& K/ D" M过年了，老张看别人家门上都倒贴一个“福”字，寓意“福到了”。1 N4 W+ D3 s7 H& l, }3 \, o1 [
于是他就写了个“钱”字，也倒着贴上，寓意“钱到了”。) H8 N: ?) Z: M: _. V& z& N
老婆看见以后问：“这是你贴的吗？”0 R, u8 N. E2 `! f- r6 j
老张得意地说：“是啊，我帖的！” f! F1 L8 P( w0 ]
话音刚落，只听“啪”一声，一记响亮的耳光抽在老张的脸上，
9 j) j- n8 X }+ a& o$ U$ V' y“我让你倒贴钱！我让你倒贴钱！倒贴钱...！”
8 |9 K& R4 s! x3 x, [$ F" `1 g评论：天朝语言文化博大精深啊, S# e" |2 n6 j" ^$ o1 X
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4.刺激
$ m6 |- f5 y4 S! d+ l+ K( m今天我走在街上，- b A; B, u' j, \- r
对面过来一老奶奶，当我跟她擦肩而过的时候，她一把就扶住了我的胳膊，慢慢地就往下躺: O& C; y, i1 ] L, Q0 ]
，我心想完了。" f3 W+ T% t0 g8 I$ v# f% M
过了二十秒，老奶奶自个又站起来了，拍了拍身上的土。9 h/ g7 p7 ^( q- C& O
“孩子，刺不刺激，人生到处是惊喜。”说完就走了。
6 ~6 f" Z: ^8 \5 m; @' r) m尼玛，英雄不问出处！贪玩不分岁数啊！！. q. f, z* A5 H3 x2 ]
评论：老奶奶走后我拿着她的钱包：确实刺激 r) x$ R C7 |& l4 ~2 \9 U
5 @: p% X7 [$ }$ e/ C$ g
5.不加倍1 x3 E, E5 `6 G$ ^7 \
小明昨天熬夜玩了一晚上斗地主，' e" B8 L% M0 z7 G2 p
今天有气无力的到了教室，教室里正在开班会。. Z1 v2 T9 g9 ?. s
老师：“已经临近期末考试，但是你们的课堂练习还是太少，我认为作业应该加倍，你们认为呢？”# I( a' q5 w6 m, [
小红：“不加倍！” 小刚：“不加倍！”
; K* I* H( G0 H7 A& b9 x. w小明顿时来了劲：“抢地主！！！”。。。老师：“滚出去！”2 i" f2 G; M* F' W0 t- t
评论：尼玛应该先抢地主才加倍的' H' s6 M' L' W. d# u! ^1 L1 h ]
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